The Greater American Novel
by The Great American Novelist
Summary: The Greater American Novel. What happens when three kids go to Dunkin Donuts for fun? More than you think.
1. The sudden birth of an enemy

It was a beautiful gorgeous day in the town of Pallet. Three young lads were going into their local Dunkin Donuts to get a quick snack before going to the rodeo. As they entered the Dunkin Donuts they were greeted by a hideous monster from another dimension; a pimple faced freak that was as scary as the demons in its true form. The first of the three boys that approached the counter was an emotional man with too many problems.

"I'll take a pink frosted sprinkled doughnut." The emotional man, Chris, said.

"Wow you must be gay." The pimple faced freak replied, laughing.

"Well. FUCK YOU…..ASS!!!" Chris angrily replied as he snatched the donut out of the freaks hands. This caused the freak to start sniffling and crying.

"Well I'll have a vanilla doughnut you fuck!" A young lad with brown hair and brown eyes named Steven said. The pimple faced man was at his end, and he peed himself in humiliation.

"You better give me TWO chocolate donuts or I'll kill your family in their sleep!" A tall ninja master named Kyle responded. The Pimple faced freak couldn't take it anymore he jumped over the counter, in the process spilling coffee all over his cat named Mitur, and ran through the big Dunkin Donuts window and into oncoming traffic. He was hit by a Twenty-Seven wheeler and was dead on the spot. The three boys just laughed at the man's deeds.

"That guy was a shitsack!" Steven exclaimed as he did four backflips.

"Yeah!" Chris agreed, but no one listened. "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS IGNORE ME! I HATE YOU GUYS!" Chris cried out and ran through the hole that the cashier had created. Unfortunately for him, at the same time a huge black limo was driving into Dunkin Donuts and he was struck down. Kyle and Steven ran to see what had happened, and when they arrived they saw two men step out of the back of the limo.

"Yo man what the hell was that?" One of the men questioned.

"Yo man what the hell was that?" The other man questioned.

"Oh shit must be that emo kid!" The first man exclaimed as he reached into the limo and pulled out his axe. "Let us finish him!" He drew the axe over his head when suddenly.

"DEMON FANG!" Steven shouted as a blue shock wave made its way towards the axe-wielding man. The shock wave nailed him and he fell to one knee in pain.

"Yo man what the hell was that?" The axe wielder yelled out in man.

"It was THAT GUY!!!!!!" The other man exclaimed as he put on his angry face. Kyle just shook his head in disappoint as he used one of his summons.

"Go! Pothead! Use reefers attack!" And the summon did as he was told and damaged both of the strange men.

"Ow! You, sir, are an incredible douchebag!" The axe-wielder yelled as he jumped back into his limo and told the driver to drive away. "This isn't the last you'll see of us you noobs!!!!oneone!!!!!"

"Pussies." Kyle muttered as he watch them drive away at the speed of light.

"Oh no! Chris is dead!" Steven shrieked as Kyle just laughed.

"Let's leave him here, he sucked anyway." Kyle simply stated.

"Yeah okay."


	2. The Chase

Kyle ran down the street looking for any clues as to where Luke and Patrick were running to. Steven was asking everyone if they knew anything about the axmen that attacked them at Dunkin Donuts. Finally, Steven met a short man with glasses named Kelvin. Kelvin was the greatest mage left in the world.

"Patrick and Luke are the evilest most sickening bastards you will ever meet! They eat children's hopes and dreams, they pee on grandma's wheelchairs, and worst of all they support Britney Spears!" Kelvin exclaimed the horror that was Patrick and Luke.

"Hey! Leave Britney Alone!!!" Kyle cried out as he punched Little Red Riding Hood. "She doesn't deserve this!" Kyle cried out once more as he continued to weep tears of orange soda.

"Yeah whatever you sheep bastard." Kelvin said as he kicked Kyle's pinky toe.

"Follow me to find Luke and Patrick, so we can defeat those cheeky bastards." Kelvin ordered, and the group followed Kelvin. They eventually ended up at a 7-11 in Utah. They entered through the back entrance where they saw Patrick, Luke, Ariel the Mermaid, and Toad playing strip poker.

"Ah! My blood pressure! Kyle yelled out as he clutched his right arm in fake pain. However his scream was too loud and it caused everyone to see them, thus blowing Steven, Kelvin, and his own cover.

"Wow…What the hell is wrong with you, you dumbshit," Kelvin yelled at Kyle as Kelvin was infuriated.

"Ah! My blood pressure again!" Kyle yelled and did the same routine as before.

"Enough of this! Steven you attack them as I charge up a spell!" Kelvin ordered and Steven obliged. Steven grabbed his sword and ran towards Toad. Steven sliced and diced Toad into many little pieces and put him into a steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup. Steven then began to eat the soup, disregarding the battle entirely. Luke took this opportunity to try and attack Steven. Luke grabbed his axe and lunged towards Steven, but Steven was agile enough to jump over the axe and Luke ended up striking Kyle in his liver.

"Ahh! My Liver!" Kyle yelped in pain as Luke laughed at Kyle's failure.

"Enough of this!" Kelvin yelled. "Go! Spiral Flare!!" Kelvin shouted as a huge wave of spiraling fire engulfed Patrick, Luke and Ariel. "They have all been significantly injured! Let us return!" Kelvin demanded as he, Steven and Kyle all ran back to where they started.

"Wow Kelvin! That was absolutely, sensationally, amazingly, awesomely remarkable!" Steven exclaimed as he jumped into the air.

"Ow! My liver and my blood pressure," Kyle whined.

"Oh please," Kelvin replied in an annoyed tone. Kelvin then took out his staff and began to cast a healing spell on Kyle, healing his liver and blood pressure problems.

"Wait! You can heal people?!" Steven asked excitedly.

"Wow, really? What the hell do you think?" Kelvin responded even more annoyed than before.

"Let's heal Chris!!" Steven jumped and did a barrel roll as everyone ran to Dunkin Donuts to find Chris's dead body to heal him.


End file.
